But as I said, being an English major would have gotten me to read good books that I wouldn’t have read on my own, and that’s what happened with Bastard Out of Carolina. Katie thrust this one on me unceremoniously as she was clearing out her room at the end of the semester, and on her recommendation I decided to read it, even though if I had picked it up in a bookstore, I probably would have put it down just as quickly by the description on the back.

Bastard Out of Carolina is simply a good book, and just that. Not a great book, not a bad book, just a good book. It tells the story of the Boatwright family through the eyes of Ruth Anne Boatwright, known as Bone. The principal conflict, according to the blurb on the back, is between Bone and her abusive stepfather, but this story was so predictable that it would have been boring had it not been so maddening. But the real interesting part of the book was all the characters: all of Bone’s aunts and uncles, soaked in booze, in and out of jail, but all the while bound tightly by family ties and connected deeply by love. I can’t say that I kept reading because I was anxious to find out what happened next. This just isn’t that kind of book. I kept reading to remain in this beautiful Southern world, with people who are both beautiful and terribly ugly at the same time.

Allison’s voice is tinged with bitterness throughout, since the novel is semi-autobiographical. The prose is decent, solid writing, but nothing that really blew me away. Overall, I’m unsure whether I can recommend this book. I certainly wouldn’t discourage anyone from reading it, but there’s just not a hell of a lot there to make me rave about it.

I generally find it very difficult to sum up a book in a single word, but this book can easily be described as beautiful. It’s gorgeously written, and it is McCann’s ability to make the distinctly un-beautiful events the book deals with lovely that is the most astonishing. A capsule summary of this book is really difficult to give. I suppose one could say that it is “about” Philippe Petit’s historic tightrope walk between the World Trade Center towers in 1974, but Petit’s walk is more of an axle around which a number of oddly related stories about life in New York City spin. Further description of these narratives would be unfair, and reveal too much of McCann’s masterful story-telling. Every character is so deeply human that even the most unemotional of moments can make your heart ache simply at the profound connection you feel with them. The book is not exactly sad, but neither is it happy. It is, however, a profoundly satisfying read and worth every minute devoted to it.

The first book I finished this year may very well have been the best, and that is Midnight’s Children by Salman Rushdie. It was this book that inspired my goal to read every one of Rushdie’s novels in the next two-and-a-half years. It is a brilliant and engaging story, but apart from that, the language itself simply blew me away and this is indeed one of the few books I have ever read which I fully intend to reread cover to cover.

I also enjoyed Cormac McCarthy’s The Road very much. It was without a doubt one of the most depressing stories I’ve ever read, but the book itself is absolutely beautiful. McCarthy has a real way with language, and his style couldn’t be more different from Rushdie.

One of the most astonishing examples of storytelling I read this year was Naguib Mahfouz’s short Egyptian novel Wedding Song. It is a deceptively simple story about treachery and intrigue among a troupe of actors, but told four times, each from the perspective of a different character. This is a story that does not unfold chronologically like most, but three-dimensionally as each narrator’s unique point-of-view comes to light.

Mark Z. Danielewski’s House of Leaves completely challenged my idea of what a novel could and should be. It strains the definition of frame narrative to the breaking point— a Los Angeles junkie edits a critical manuscript written by a blind man describing an invented documentary about a couple who discover that their house is larger on the inside than on the outside. Parts of this book deeply disturbed me, while others tugged hard at the heartstrings, others aroused me, and still others left me completely unsure what to think. This could certainly challenge Midnight’s Children as the best book I’ve ever read, but its style and format are so drastically different that it seems unfair to compare them, which is basically my way of saying that I can’t really choose which one is better.

Those are the books that especially struck me this year, but here are all the books I read for pleasure this year. I enjoyed nearly all of these, with the exception of American Gods, which I have already reviewed, and Anathema Rhodes, which I found to be so overbearingly postmodern and elaborate in its style and plot as to be almost laughable. It is really quite bad good writing.

Midnight’s Children, Salman Rushdie
The Satanic Verses, Salman Rushdie
American Gods, Neil Gaiman
The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera
Middlesex, Jeffrey Eugenides
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, Jean-Dominique Bauby
The Road, Cormac McCarthy
Ada, or Ardor: A Family Chronicle, Vladimir Nabokov
Vineland, Thomas Pynchon
Wedding Song, Naguib Mahfouz
Geek Love, Katherine Dunn
Anathema Rhodes: Dreams, Iimani David
House of Leaves, Mark Z. Danielewski
The Enchantress of Florence, Salman Rushdie

Our generation seems to have been bred with a massive skeptical streak, leading us to frequently declare superciliously “That could never happen!” or “I don’t think that’s how that goes.” The problem is that readers (or viewers of TV and movies) as well as writers may be missing some of the point of fiction: to tell an engaging story. Let’s face it, none of our favorite action movies would be nearly as exciting if actual laws of physics or human endurance held true.

This is not to say that I’m starting a crusade against fact-checking. Obviously, unless you’re writing fantasy set in an entirely fictionalized universe, a certain amount of little details need to be right. But little details are just that— little details. So many of the members of this LJ community seem to hang the fate of their entire story on the plausibility of a little detail. I’ll admit, sometimes things are way off and they need to rework it. But most of the time, these are not the kinds of things they should be trying to painstakingly verify, but the kinds of things they should just wave their pen over for the sake of the story. Because ultimately, are the exact words said by the 911 operator the important part? No, probably not. My guess is it’s the reason for the 911 call in the first place that was crucial to this person’s story. That’s what I find separates good writers from bad writers: keeping the focus in the right place. I was told an excellent story by Gordon Goodwin which I feel sums up this entire post. He once talked with a Disney animator who had worked on Pinocchio. The animator showed him his initial sketches for a brief shot of the fox bringing his cigar up to his mouth, tapping the ash off it, and then looking to the side. The sketches, however, were only of a hand, a cigar, and eyes. The animator didn’t waste time at the onset by drawing irrelevant details like the buttons on the fox’s coat or his whiskers. He kept his focus on what was important, the critical motion of the shot.

So it’s not that I’m even advocating only a sort of “big picture” writing that glosses over all the details. I’m only saying that lots of people could benefit from keeping in mind the relevant details, because there’s nothing like spending extra time drawing a button in the corner to halt the flow of an otherwise decent story.

First let’s look at Lauren and Sue. Their budget is $1700, and they end up going with a Dell XPS 13 for $972. No specs for this computer are given in the ad other than the price, so let’s take a look online. For $999 (we’ll assume some sort of rebate or something from Best Buy brought the price down), you get a 2.0 GHz processor, 13.3″ screen, 3 GB of RAM, a 250 GB hard drive, and a NVIDIA GeForce 9400M video card. The Mac she looks at is a 15″ MacBook Pro, which, she notes, is $2000, “and that’s before adding anything.” Let’s look at the specs of a $2000 15″ MacBook Pro, shall we? You get a 2.66 GHz processor, 15″ screen, 4 GB of RAM, a 320 GB hard drive, and a NVIDIA GeForce 9400M video card. How can you compare the price on these two computers? The only place they’re equal is in the video card. In all other areas, the Mac way outperforms the Dell. You wouldn’t need to “add anything” to the Mac. To make them comparable, you’d have to add stuff to the Dell.

To get the same technical specs on the Dell, you’d end up paying $1,709, and even then you can still only get an 8400M video card, according to the Dell website customization, so that narrows the gap a bit. Then knock off $150 for a student discount on the MacBook Pro because Lauren is a law student, and you’ll end up at $1,849 for the MacBook Pro. That difference of $140 can easily be justified even beyond the Mac’s graphics card, with features like the MagSafe power adaptor, iLife software such as iTunes, iPhoto, and iMovie, and the simple fact that the Mac, unlike this Dell, doesn’t run Windows Vista.

So, yes, you can get a Dell for less money. But comparing these two computers in this ad is totally unfair, because, as I’ve demonstrated, configuring the Dell to the same specifications as the Mac almost makes the prices the same.

Next, Giampaolo here ends up buying an HP HDX for $1099. The specs trumpeted in the ad are the 4 GB of RAM and the 2.4 GHz processor. Now for $100 more, you can get the bottom-of-the-line 13″ MacBook Pro, which, I’m sorry to say, is not as powerful as this PC, losing out with 2 GB of RAM and a 2.26 GHz processor. But I won’t concede the victory to the PC just yet. In the ad, Giampaolo clearly states that his budget is $1500. For $1499, he can get a 13″ MacBook Pro with a 2.53 GHz processor, and that 4 GB of RAM he wanted. So it is possible to get the same processing power on his budget.

Now for Lisa and Jackson, who walk out of Best Buy with a Sony VAIO FW, although no price is given in the ad. The only specs given about the Sony is that it has a 16.4″ screen and Blu-Ray capabilities. Their problems with the Mac? “Too small” and “way more money, dude.” The Sony starts at $839 according to their website. Now, they say they want a fast computer, so what are we looking at to get this computer running as fast as possible? This 16.4″ Sony has a 2.8 GHz processor and 500 GB hard drive, just like the 17″ MacBook Pro and comes in at $1,819 against the Mac’s $2499. So there’s a sizeable price difference, I admit. But again, the Sony runs Vista, which presents all kinds of unnecessary problems. And I won’t even mention the fact that it’s got a little more than half the battery life of the MacBook Pro (estimated 4.5 hours vs. estimated 8 hours) even with its large capacity battery. Once again, the two computers are not equal.

But wait! They have a budget of $1500, so that Sony won’t do! They’ll have to compromise on the speed, then. This falls within their price range at $1,349, but we’re down to a 2.53 GHz processor. The 17″ MacBook Pro only comes with the 2.8 GHz processor, so we’ll look at the 15″ also with 2.53 GHz, which comes to $1,699. Slightly less hard drive space on the MacBook Pro, but honestly, how much porn could this 11-year-old be downloading that he would notice the difference between 250 GB and 320 GB? Again, the Mac wins in the battery life category, though by not as much of a margin, but only if the large capacity battery is purchased for the Sony.

Ultimately what I’m getting at with this post is not trying to end the Mac vs PC argument once and for all. I’m merely pointing out the tricks in this ad campaign. By going for the more “technical” comparison of processing speed and price in their ads, Microsoft finds themselves on a slippery slope selling their products. Ultimately I will concede that Apple products are on the whole more expensive than PCs, but not by as large a margin as Microsoft would want you to think, as long as you are comparing essentially equal computers. In my opinion, however, even if you match the processing power and storage space, there are still intangibles to consider, like the additional hassle of dealing with Vistas quirks or protecting yourself from cyber attacks that you don’t have to worry about on a Mac. But what’s the another failure on the part of these PC ads? Well, it seems fitting to use some technical statistics to note that while the video of Lisa and Jackson buying a Sony had 478,965 views on YouTube at the time of publication, a video containing 15 of Apple’s Mac vs. PC ads had 1,171,446 views. Conclusion? Even PC commercials are boring.

Middlesex tells the story of Calliope Helen Stephanides, a man mistaken for a woman at birth and raised as such until puberty, or more accurately, her colorful Greek-American family. Callie herself does not come into the picture until nearly halfway through the book, and even then her unique situation is not really explored until the last hundred pages or so. The early chapters, dealing with her incestuous grandparents, sound to me like Rushdie transplanted from India to Greece, more or less. They are filled with a certain foreign flair and an almost imperceptible dose of magical realism that is all too familiar to me. That sparkle of the first part of the book begins to dimish as the story goes on, however, and by the time we join Callie as she comes to terms with her identity and transforms herself into Cal, the energy and real interest has dimished considerably. Eugenides seemed to have more enthusiasm for the miraculous family drama than his intersex protagonist, which could have been potentially much more fleshed out. Ultimately, Callie’s decision to live the rest of her life as a man seems completely out of character with what we have seen from her thus far, which is not necessarily a bad thing, if only it were addressed in more depth. Though I don’t pretend to be any sort of knowledgeable on transsexualism, Callie’s decision seems incredibly overly hasty given what I’ve read about people with disorders such as hers and, with a few exceptions, she seems to slip into her new role as a young boy with relative ease, despite her apparently thoroughly ingrained previous female identity. What this boils down to, in my opinion, is a sort of laziness on Eugenides’ part when it came to the close of an otherwise very inventive and enjoyable novel. To a less critical reader, though, the ending would likely not tarnish the rest of the novel, and even for me, it does so only mildly. Overall, it is a very enjoyable and well-written novel.

1. Han Solo

It just doesn’t get too much more badass than this. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be an interstellar pirate with the fastest ship in the galaxy, a 7-foot-tall walking carpet that rips arms out of sockets as your best friend, and a smoking hot princess in a metallic bikini? ‘Nuff said.
Most Badass Quote: “Never tell me the odds.”

2. James Bond

I suppose the only way one could turn down that princess with the bra you can’t wear on a plane would be if instead you had the opportunity to bed virtually every woman on earth, while at the same time foiling the nefarious plans of evil masterminds, and looking damn good the whole time.
Most Badass Quote: “Bond. James Bond.”

3. Indiana Jones

You know you’ve got to be up there on the badass scale when Germany declares war on you. Plus, you can’t deny that fedoras never go out of style.
Most Badass Quote: “I don’t know. I’m making this up as I go.”

4. Darth Vader

I suppose it can be generally agreed upon that it’s hard to be too intimidating when you’re on life support, but Vader manages to be the most fearsome thing in the whole galaxy with a respirator. It’s also worth noting that if there were a list of the top 10 whiny-ass bitches, his alter-ego Anakin Skywalker would be at the top of that one.
Most Badass Quote: “I find your lack of faith disturbing.”

5. John McClane

Nobody can rock the torn shirt, sweaty brow, and bloody face quite like terrorist-fighter extraordinaire John McClane. In addition to his brute force, what makes McClane such a badass is his psychological warfare: his attitude certainly does wonders to throw off his enemies.
Most Badass Quote: “Yippee-kay-yay, mother fucker!”

6. Morpheus

Who needs earpieces on their sunglasses? Certainly not this badass. There’s not much more to be said after watching him go crazy on an agent with a katana on top of a moving semi.
Most Badass Quote: “Welcome to the real world.”

7. Capt. Jack Sparrow

C’mon, mate, he’s the best pirate in the Caribbean! If you can still do all he does after having that much rum, then you pretty much deserve to be on any Top 10 list.
Most Badass Quote: “But why is the rum gone?”

8. Albus Dumbledore

Dumbledore just proves that you can wear purple and be a badass, too. There’s just something about his ability to find pleasure and humor in little things while at the same time being the only person the evillest wizard of our time ever feared.
Most Badass Quote: “Alas, earwax!”

9. Samuel L. Jackson

Okay, okay, he’s not a fictional character. But Sam Jackson is pretty much a badass in every role he plays, so basically every character he’s ever portrayed on film is contained in this entry.
Most Badass Quote: “I’ve had it with these mother-fuckin’ snakes on this mother-fuckin’ plane!”

10. Jake and Elwood Blues

There’s no way you can’t be considered a badass if you total that many cop cars and still get away. They’ve got sunglasses, black suits, and a band, too? Say no more.
Most Badass Quote: “We’re on a mission from Gahd.”

I’m almost scared to see what happens if I find the Wee Sing recording of “Polly Wolly Doodle.”